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6:07am October 1, 2014

Osgood, I’m gonna level with you. We can’t get married at all. Why not?

5:39am October 1, 2014

itsstuckyinmyhead:

Siblings and Tumblr

5:11am October 1, 2014

asmilinggoddess:

prettyflyforabow-tie:

asmilinggoddess:

ok but one day tony is like “how the fuck do you afford things. you’re captain america you dont have a goddamned day job.” and steve just looks at him “tony, my bank account has been gathering interest since the forties. im fuckin loaded.”

I’d assumed his account would have been frozen

that is the best comment anyone has added to this post and i want to personally thank you for that

4:42am October 1, 2014

tapdancers:

Keeping The Same Tabs Open For 9 Days Straight Because They Contain Information Relevant To Tasks You’re Too Lazy To Complete - A novel by me

4:14am October 1, 2014
ladylike-maniac:

fit-fierce-fab4ever:

60ibs-to-go:

My kind of marathon 

there’s another kind?

This is our life.

ladylike-maniac:

fit-fierce-fab4ever:

60ibs-to-go:

My kind of marathon 

there’s another kind?

This is our life.

3:46am October 1, 2014

intelligentairhead:

Okay but Teddy Lupin performing a one-man show of all the shit that happened to his godfather in school

take a moment and picture this kid switching from red hair to blond to mock himself for being a Weasley three seconds before he changes to Harry to tell himself to stuff it

Imagine the wonder that is the Teddy Lupin one man theatre club

3:18am October 1, 2014
2:49am October 1, 2014
2:21am October 1, 2014

theamazingindi:

pros of dating me

  • have you ever wanted to know the complete history of spider-man? too bad.

cons of dating me

  • 'It's 1962. A dark office room, cigarette smoke. Stan Lee has just come off the success of The Fantastic Four, a surge of demand for teenage comic books had hit the comic book market, and he finds himself transfixed, watching a spider ever-slowly work it's way up a wall. 'Wouldn't that be cool?' he thinks to himself; and thus our story begins…'
1:53am October 1, 2014

say-zar:

ruinedchildhood:

biggest plot twist in all of history

*patiently waits 34787894745 years for sequel*

1:25am October 1, 2014
12:57am October 1, 2014
12:28am October 1, 2014

Is this AT&T?

  • One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of you, is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating as they were to me. The call was from AT&T and it went something like this: (swallowing)
  • Me: Hello
  • AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...
  • Me: Is this AT&T?
  • AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
  • Me: This is AT&T?
  • AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
  • Me: Is this AT&T?
  • AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron please?
  • Me: May I ask who is calling?
  • AT&T: This is AT&T.
  • Me: OK, hold on.
  • At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.
  • Me: Hello?
  • AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?
  • Me: May I ask who is calling please?
  • AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
  • Me: Is this AT&T?
  • AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
  • Me: This is AT&T?
  • AT&T: Yes, is this Mr. Byron?
  • Me: Yes, is this AT&T?
  • AT&T: Yes sir.
  • Me: The phone company?
  • AT&T: Yes sir.
  • Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.
  • AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company.
  • Me: I already have a phone.
  • AT&T: We aren't selling phones today Mr. Byron.
  • Me: Well whatever it is, I'm really not interested but thanks for calling.
  • When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can express yourself any plainer than by saying "I'm really not interested", but this lady was persistent.
  • AT&T: Mr. Byron, we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
  • (Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a "rate" of 10 cents a minute but she at no time used the word "rate". I could clearly see that it was time to whip out the trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering.)
  • Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day?
  • AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes sir that's right!
  • 24 hours a day!
  • Me: 7 days a week?
  • AT&T: That's right.
  • Me: 365 days a year?
  • AT&T: Yes sir.
  • Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing!
  • AT&T: We think so!
  • Me: That's quite a sum of money!
  • AT&T: Yes sir, it's amazing how it adds up.
  • Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560, and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance?
  • AT&T: Excuse me?
  • Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.
  • AT&T: What are you talking about?
  • Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1,008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.
  • AT&T: Oh no sir I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute.
  • Me: Wait a minute here!!! Didn't you say you'd give me 10 cents a minute. Are you sure this is AT&T?
  • AT&T: Well, yes this is AT&T sir but...
  • Me: But nothing, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10cents a minute that I'll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the Enquirer you know. Don't use your alien brainwashing techniques on me.
  • AT&T: No sir we are offering 10 cents a minute for...
  • Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please!
  • AT&T: Sir I don't think that is necessary.
  • Me: Sure! You say that now! What happens later?
  • AT&T: What?
  • Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!
  • AT&T: Yes Mr. Byron. Please hold.
  • So now AT&T has me on hold and my supper is getting cold. I begin to eat while I'm waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a few minutes and while I have a mouth full of food:
  • Supervisor: Mr. Byron?
  • Me: Yeth?
  • Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program.
  • Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth?
  • Supervisor: Yes sir, it sure is.
  • (I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.)
  • Me: No, actually I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.
  • Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.
  • Me: Thank you.
  • I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I needed to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.
  • AT&T: Hello Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan?
  • Me: Do you have that friends and family thing because you can never have enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother...
  • AT&T: (click)
11:32pm September 30, 2014
silks:

silks:

11:04pm September 30, 2014

duckrunsagain:

run-like-a-zombie:

…I may or may not have teared up a bit reading this ;)

I needed this kind of inspiration today. :)